In the words of sexologist Erwin J

That’s what the University of Chicago found in a study of 3,299 women age 18 to 85

  • Woman-on-top. The man lies on his back with legs together. The woman straddles his hips and sits on his erection. She can reach down and caress her clitoris by hand or using a vibrator. Or he can make a fist and place it at the junction of their pelvises. The woman adjusts his fist so she can lean forward and press her clitoris into it.
  • Rear entry. She’s on hands or elbows and knees. He kneels or stands behind her. He can reach around and caress her clitoris. Or she can reach between her legs or use a vibrator. Note: Rear entry allows the deepest insertion, possibly causing women pain. Gentlemen, ask her to tell you if deep insertion hurts, then never push in beyond her comfort limit.
  • Spooning (her back to his chest). His hands are free to massage her clitoris. Or she can caress herself by hand or vibrator.
  • The coital alignment technique (CAT). During conventional man-on-top intercourse, erections move almost horizontally. In 1988, New York sex researcher Edward Eichel urged men to shift forward and to one side so his chest covers one of her shoulders. With this change, erections move more up and down, and the pubic bone at the base of the penis makes more direct contact with the clitoris. Several studies have shown that Eichel was correct. The CAT doesn’t guarantee women orgasms during man-on-top intercourse, and it’s no substitute for gentle, extended clitoral caresses by hand, mouth, or vibrator. But the CAT significantly improves most women’s ability to have orgasms during man-on-top intercourse.
  • Have a ball. During conventional man-on-top intercourse or the CAT, a small softball-nerf, hacky sack, etc.-can be placed between the woman’s clitoris and the man’s pelvis. His pelvis pressing on the ball may increase the woman’s ability to come.
  • Mock-intercourse. Instead of inserting, he positions his erection to press against the sensitive groove between her inner vaginal lips. Assuming good lubrication, his shaft presses against her urethral sponge, while his glans caresses her clitoris.

Help for Women With Orgasm Trouble

Almost all women can climax solo by hand or vibrator, but with partners, around 30 percent have problems. Fortunately, the overwhelming majority can learn to have orgasms. Haeberle, “Orgasm is learned. The teacher is masturbation.” Some suggestions:

That’s what the University of Chicago found in a study of 3,299 women age 18 to 85

  • Buy a vibrator. Today, half of the adult American women own at least one. Vibrators produce more intense sensation than hands and tongues can provide. Most women who can’t have orgasms without vibrators can come using them. If women need vibrators to come, there’s nothing wrong with them. That’s just who they are. Vibrators do not ruin women for sex without them, nor are vibes addictive. And they don’t replace men. They just provide more intense stimulation than women would otherwise receive. Dozens of models are available. Search the Internet.
  • Read Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women. This classic self-help book by sexologists Julia Heiman, Ph.D., and Joseph LoPiccolo, Ph.D., guides women through a step-by-step process of self-discovery focusing on barriers to pleasure, self-touch, vibrators, and coaching lovers. A companion DVD is also available (Amazon).
  • Coaching. Ladies, chances are your orgasm difficulties are less about your psychological makeup than how you’re caressed during sex. Does your man kiss and cuddle? Does he provide at least twenty minutes of gentle, extended handjobs and oral? If not, speak up. Ask for what you need. Don’t worry about his supposedly fragile ego. Keeping him in the dark means nothing ever changes. He wants to help you orgasm. Tell him how.